How to Rock the Name Catheter

My name is not Catheter.  Funnily enough nobody is that cruel to their newborn.  If they are I hope they are prevented from awarding it as a name for their child.  Along with enema, poop and crossbow.  But I digress.

We all make mistakes.  Say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, spell things incorrectly.  But do our best not to and to correct before mistakes become too public.  

Typos are one thing but predictive text is quite another.  Not sure why it was invented.  This 21st century way of “helping”.  So many people throughout history have helped, when it would have been best if they had kept themselves to themselves.  Predictive text – for me falls into that category.

Merrily typing on a new device the other day.  Well it wasn’t new.  It had done that really annoying thing of updating all settings when I left it on charge.  In 1989 (before serious amounts of internet/computers/mobile phones/apple inc began, nobody came into my office in the night and moved things around.  Shuffled my address book pages, moved my diary to a new place, layout, font and order, rearranged the filing cabinets and gave me an uncomfortable chair staring into the sun.  Or even one of those things. 

On devices however updates are good apparently.  If there weren’t updates I suppose we would all be driving horse and carts (RIP Prince Philip).  Maybe with squareish wheels.  And of course it keeps the lovelies in Silicone valley in gainful employment and new trainers.  Not sure being on the predictive text (updates) team was the glamour they signed up for but hey I am no IT career adviser.

Anyway.  My predictive text setting.  Go on try and find it in your phone.  I will wait here for an hour until you finally google it.  It is why they invented youtube – so the very helpful (with far too much time on their hands) can post videos of how modern things actually work.  You don’t need a youtube video for say a spade.  Or a book.  But for anything invented since the 1990s fill your boots.

I digress.  Back to predictive text.  The setting was such that it picked up words it likes instead of what I had badly typed.  So far so predictive. But instead of letting me choose the word it got the choice.  A bit like going to a bar and saying I will have a porn star martini and getting a brandy alexander because that was what the barman’s settings told him I wanted to drink.  It isn’t like that at all but you get my drift.

The long and short of it is that I signed my message off (to the 7 meeting delegates I was emailing) as Catheter.  Now as I rocking fossil I can carry off a lot of mistakes with relative insouciance, a wry smile and a swift sideways exit.  This particular faux pas is being kindly ignored.  Maybe they are all Rocking Fossils too.

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